Finding home, pt. 1

When is speak of home it’s not that place where we house all our stuff but that place within that I call, I Am. For me when I  discovered home I found myself and all the fullness that I Am. Finding my way home was the first stop on my journey to becoming free and unconditionally me.

After many years of seeking answers to my question, what am I missing. I realized that that which I had been seeking could not be found outside of myself. Not in a building, another person nor in anything that could be bought. It was right with me and had been all the time. Now, I didn’t wake up one day and have an Awe Ha moment and everything miraculously changed in my life . I discovered the answer because I was ready and the Universe sent some incredible teachers to me. The first, I will call her M, began helping me open the doors of truth for myself, 30 years ago. Honestly she (M) helped me to help myself save myself. Thus, I started my journey home. This beautiful spirit M made evident for me that if I truthfully ask and desired an answer the answer would show up. The only assignment for me was to be present and available.

When I met M she had just graduated from the University of Wisconsin Masters Degree program, which literally seems like it was only yesterday. Now looking back and understand that my meeting M was no accident. That our meeting had been orchestrated by powers greater than myself. For, M had scheduled an appointment with my mother but the day before the appointment mom realized she couldn’t make it and asked M if I could take her place. So, my awakening began the very next day.

I met M at her studio apartment on Langdon St. right off campus in downtown Madison, WI and from our first meeting M has been an intrical part of my life. If I were asked to describe M in a few words I would undoubtedly characterize her, person and spirit, as unconditional love embodied in the form of a phenomenal woman. For this is who she’s always been to me.

From our initial meeting and up until this very day, M teaches me. In the beginning she needed me to understand my importance and worthiness. M taught by demonstration.  Her loving, caring words and her actions help me began understanding how important and worthy I was. She showed me how much I mattered despite the actions or inaction of others. In M’s gentle yet firm and loving way she taught me how powerful words were. She began teaching me how powerful my words were.

All words are powerful living energy. Ever word we speak resonates throughout space and time with only one purpose. Their sole task is to manifest themselves exactly as they are spoken. Once I began to perceive and identify the amount of negative words and thoughts I engaged in everyday, the real work began. I needed to unravel all the negative, unattractive and damaging vocabulary that I had acquired. Not only the words but the thoughts, actions and beliefs that had been embedded deep in my consciousness.  Shifting through the depository and weeding out the immense amount of destructive language that filled my psyche has taken a great deal of time. As a matter of fact, 30 years later I am still working at it. I am Continually refining and adjusting myself, always reaching to be my most authentic self.

For it is written,  So a man (or woman) thinks or speaks, so they shall be. I was learning a new language. I was learning to choose my words and monitor my thought carefully. Initially it was awkward and took deliberate attention but with M’s loving encouragement over time I started getting better it. Now, my awareness of the details are not so deliberate but I am always vigilant in my observation of my thoughts and language.

Quote from Nkiru: It isn’t important to become a master of a thing, what is important is to never stop improving.

To be continued….

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